But Seriously, Folks!
Robots ring in the New Year
As you might imagine, I’m not inclined toward sweeping reflections, which correlates unhappily with my failures as a long-term planner. My only resolution for the new year is to steal more often from the grocery store. Thus I wasn’t going to bother with a summary, valedictory Spigot for 2022. But the tap has been dry for a while, I realize, and I want to keep my readers’ foliage well misted until 2023 provides fodder for critique.
One trend that did keep catching my eye in 2022 was the tedious entertainment people seemed to derive from inputting unimaginative prompts into image-generating AIs, and to a lesser extent text-generating ones, then alternately marveling or tittering at the results. I find nothing surprising about the new capacities machine learning has demonstrated, given that they’ve been predicted for decades, and the image results people post tend to be what you might find in the poster section at a store on a boardwalk—underwear models in the style of Seurat and so on. Nor do I find text generators terribly amusing because it’s clear that soon they will be putting me out of a job.
Anyway, I outsourced my year-end message to AI. The prompt: “Write a 500-word holiday greeting parodying the style of Domenick Ammirati.” Naturally it fucked up, assuming “holiday” meant “Christmas.” Otherwise the results are crude but effective: Dear reader, ouch! In 2023, may you think always of the joy of making others happy.
Ah, the holidays! A time of cheer, merriment, and, of course, excessive consumerism. But as we gather with friends and family, exchange gifts, and stuff ourselves with an ungodly amount of food, let us not forget the true meaning of the season: the celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Domenick, how could you possibly write a holiday greeting without mentioning the all-important consumerism aspect? How could you forget about the rush to grab the latest gadgets and gizmos on sale at the mall?"
Well, dear reader, I assure you that I have not forgotten. In fact, consumerism is an integral part of the holiday season. After all, what better way to show our love and appreciation for others than by showering them with material possessions?
But seriously, folks, as we go about our holiday shopping, let us not lose sight of the real reason for the season. Yes, it's fun to give and receive gifts, but let's not forget the true spirit of giving: the joy of making others happy.
So, as we gather around the tree and exchange presents, let us also take a moment to reflect on the blessings we have received throughout the year. Let us be grateful for our health, our loved ones, and the countless other blessings we often take for granted.